Post-divorce Dating Gifts

'My date last night reminded me of my ex-husband - turns out that's who he was!'

Marriage least expected to last...

"Two, please—one senior and one tootsie."

'Two Mr. Wrongs don't make a Mr. Right.'

"You look quite presentable when you make the effort. Your ex-wife always told me you scrubbed up well."

'It'll get better, Vinny - my marriages always have a bad first quarter.'

"I don't believe it. That's my ex-wife."

"Could you just make it a little awkward for a few weeks?"

"I see a lot of Don Juan Complexes, but you're the first Don Knotts Complex I've come across."

Boyfriend Shirt.

'I tried to feeding on demand - it led to divorce on demand.'

'Don't be too sad. Sure, she was special, but there are plenty more fish in the sea.'

'I'll relinquish most of my visitation rights if you'll just let Katie come over once in awhile to program my appliances.'

"How sweet...Our first divorce! I'm so glad we got to share this special moment together."

'I feel sorry for you single people. Nobody to go home to fight with.'

'Then, just when I lost twenty pounds and was voted tops in my gym class he ran off with the fatso next door!'

"My mates at the showroom said that I should start dating again."

"I have two children from a previous economic cycle."

...thirty-nine years young, recent divorcee, lifestyle includes a canine leitmotif....

"Lover’s leap" "Wife toss"

'I've been living out of a tin since my wife left me.'

'I knew the marriage wouldn't last...She brought a date to our wedding.'

"Separate clouds, please."

"It's through our attorneys, but at least we're talking."

A man in an armchair is being carried away by rubbish removers, as his wife waves him off.

'I can't ta;l now, you moron. Your alimony check is in the mail!'

"I hope you don't mind. I used the same recipe that made me crazy enough to marry my first wife."

'I'm leaving you. As a couple I feel like we have too many tissues.'

"I'm not sure why my marriage ended. I'm still waiting for the forensic report."

'I'm sorry, but it's strictly against my policy to hire a former husband.'

"Please bear with me. I'm only recently back on the singles scene."

"As per the terms of my divorce, my ex-wife will conduct the final movement."

'Computer dating? I want my money back. You fixed me up with my first wife.'

'All my friends are divorced, and I'm not even married.'

I thought he was a good listener, but he's just dumb.