Dating After Divorce Gifts

"I hope you don't mind. I used the same recipe that made me crazy enough to marry my first wife."

Marriage least expected to last...

"Getting back into the market can be stressful. I recommend a portfolio of sleep-aids, tranquilizers, and antacids.'

"Two, please—one senior and one tootsie."

'Two Mr. Wrongs don't make a Mr. Right.'

"You look quite presentable when you make the effort. Your ex-wife always told me you scrubbed up well."

'It'll get better, Vinny - my marriages always have a bad first quarter.'

"I don't believe it. That's my ex-wife."

'I'll relinquish most of my visitation rights if you'll just let Katie come over once in awhile to program my appliances.'

'I tried to feeding on demand - it led to divorce on demand.'

'Don't be too sad. Sure, she was special, but there are plenty more fish in the sea.'

"I see a lot of Don Juan Complexes, but you're the first Don Knotts Complex I've come across."

"How sweet...Our first divorce! I'm so glad we got to share this special moment together."

"I have two children from a previous economic cycle."

"My mates at the showroom said that I should start dating again."

"Lover’s leap" "Wife toss"

...thirty-nine years young, recent divorcee, lifestyle includes a canine leitmotif....

'Then, just when I lost twenty pounds and was voted tops in my gym class he ran off with the fatso next door!'

'So -- how did your date go? 'Lousy! -- She tried to impose her moral standards on me!'

'I feel sorry for you single people. Nobody to go home to fight with.'

"Not on a first date! That's fine by me, I've been on lots of dates."

'I'm sorry, sir, but affirmative action guidelines require that your first date be a Nepalese pastry cook.'

"Separate clouds, please."

"It's through our attorneys, but at least we're talking."

'My date last night reminded me of my ex-husband - turns out that's who he was!'

A man in an armchair is being carried away by rubbish removers, as his wife waves him off.

'I've been living out of a tin since my wife left me.'

'I can't ta;l now, you moron. Your alimony check is in the mail!'

"As per the terms of my divorce, my ex-wife will conduct the final movement."

'I'm sorry, but it's strictly against my policy to hire a former husband.'

'Computer dating? I want my money back. You fixed me up with my first wife.'

'I'm leaving you. As a couple I feel like we have too many tissues.'

"Please bear with me. I'm only recently back on the singles scene."

'All my friends are divorced, and I'm not even married.'

'I'm tired of wading around in the shallow end of the gene pool.'