Post-divorce Survivors Gifts

'I've been living out of a tin since my wife left me.'

"...until death do you a favor."

Pony express. Pony express yourself. Pony express yourself so much he left.

Marriage least expected to last...

'Two Mr. Wrongs don't make a Mr. Right.'

'I'll never forget you, Vince -- My therapist says it would be counterproductive to try.'

',,,But if I do eat them I'll lose my child support, Oh, Alice,divorce is so hard,'

Ereptile Dysfunction

"It's over between us, Kevin, I've met a most wonderful cod!"

"I think he's outgrown the baby gate."

"You look quite presentable when you make the effort. Your ex-wife always told me you scrubbed up well."

'How many kids do you actually have?'

"Being married to her was the most miserable experience of my life, but I was able to develop a sitcom out of it."

Mother's Whistler.

Your Dinner Is In The Trout Stream

"I'm letting him soak."

'It'll get better, Vinny - my marriages always have a bad first quarter.'

'What are you doing trying to tempt me?? I told you I was through with you!!'

'These anti-depressants aren't for swallowing, sir, they're for throwing at your ex-wife.'

"I've been getting the most intense workouts since I taped a picture of my ex on the heavy bag!"

Change your style, learn to smile!

'When I said we should see other people, I didn't mean starting tonight.'

"Go, take the afternoon off, I'll babysit: he'll be safe with me..."

"Can't you just say 'bippity boppity boo' and make all these messy divorce negotiations turn into pumpkins or something?"

"On a personal note, my wife, Ann, and I have agreed to separate, as I've fallen in love with the sound of my own voice."

"Sometimes I feel the only thing keeping us together is our fear of the children."

'Don't look now but it's that guy from Pennsylvania that you dumped,'

"If you ask me, we're better off without her."

"I see a lot of Don Juan Complexes, but you're the first Don Knotts Complex I've come across."

'My advice? Dump him! There are plenty more fish in the sea...'

'I tried to feeding on demand - it led to divorce on demand.'

"Recently separated."

"The babysitter wants to know where you keep your vodka?"

'I'd like to sample your house wine...Hmm, do you have something that stains a little better?'

'I'm sorry Sandy, but it'll never work out. We're just Poles apart.'