Divorce Recovery Gifts

Change your style, learn to smile!

'Maybe you should start dating again.'

'Let's table whether I've suffered enough and talk about my upcoming second marriage.'

'When he said it would be 'me and him against the world' I had no idea everyone was already mad at him.'

Marriage least expected to last...

"I always spend New Year's surrounded by loved ones."

'Two Mr. Wrongs don't make a Mr. Right.'

',,,But if I do eat them I'll lose my child support, Oh, Alice,divorce is so hard,'

"Don't wait too long for Mr. Right or you'll end up with Mr. What's left!"

A man sews broken hearts back together.

"You look quite presentable when you make the effort. Your ex-wife always told me you scrubbed up well."

'I don't believe in blind dates... the last time I got fixed up I got neutered.'

'Yeah, but this time she just said no -- there wasn't any hysterical laughter!'

'2 chocolate truffles in the morning and 2 in the evening should cure your broken heart,,,'

"I'm not sure I'm ready to date again. I'm just coming off a bad mitosis."

'Well, if you really want to know...you will meet a short, pale and ugly man...'

'It'll get better, Vinny - my marriages always have a bad first quarter.'

"On a personal note, my wife, Ann, and I have agreed to separate, as I've fallen in love with the sound of my own voice."

A woman buries her broken heart

"Can't you just say 'bippity boppity boo' and make all these messy divorce negotiations turn into pumpkins or something?"

'These anti-depressants aren't for swallowing, sir, they're for throwing at your ex-wife.'

"I see a lot of Don Juan Complexes, but you're the first Don Knotts Complex I've come across."

'I tried to feeding on demand - it led to divorce on demand.'

'I feel sorry for you single people. Nobody to go home to fight with.'

"Okay, these are the documents we need to sue your ex for child support, and if we can convince the court it's not too out off line, to have the words, 'lying, cheating b*****d' tattooed on his forehead."

...thirty-nine years young, recent divorcee, lifestyle includes a canine leitmotif....

'Since they divorced I'm living with my mom, but every other weekend my dad is entitled to take me for a walk.'

"Oh, god. . . not another night at home watching Ingmar Bergman films!"

Ducttape Man! I'll mend your broken heart!

"You lying fink! Your dating profile specifically stated you were a non smoker!!"

'Lost my job, house repossessed, but at least I've still got you.'

'It's over'