Breakup Recovery Gifts

'Our line is dead. Sometimes my old boyfriend goes off his medication.'

"Don't wait too long for Mr. Right or you'll end up with Mr. What's left!"

A man sews broken hearts back together.

Misery Likes Company Dating Agency. Yup, this was the place.

'It's over'

'True, he's an i-d-i-o-t, but he's c-u-t-e...'

"I'm dating a squash champion."

Vases, hearts & organizations

Dating Agency: Closing - Everyone Must Go!

"I'd invite you in, but I'm still cleaning up a few remnants from my previous relationship."

"I'm not sure I'm ready to date again. I'm just coming off a bad mitosis."

Ducttape Man! I'll mend your broken heart!

'Well, if you really want to know...you will meet a short, pale and ugly man...'

Speed Dating for Turtles

'When he said it would be 'me and him against the world' I had no idea everyone was already mad at him.'

"I may not be Mr. Right, but I know Mr. Right, and maybe if you sleep with me it will make him jealous."

"You lying fink! Your dating profile specifically stated you were a non smoker!!"

"Honestly, I'm not sure I even know who every one of you are anymore."

'Yeah, but this time she just said no -- there wasn't any hysterical laughter!'

Give that woman a Pink Squirrel! Give that man a black eye.

Sleep Clinic. ZZZZZZ. We can tell a lot about somebody's sleep by the sounds they make. This subject is experiencing normal, restful sleep. YYYYYY. He's having fitful sleep because his girlfriend dumped him. MMMMMM. It looks a lot like he's having a dream about a delicious meal. BBBBBB. This gardener is having a nightmare about disturbing a hive. And what's happening here? I think he's look forward to "talk like a pirate day"! RRRRRR.

A woman buries her broken heart

"Oh, god. . . not another night at home watching Ingmar Bergman films!"

"I met him on an online dating site. He was on their 'return' section."

Large Emoticon Collider

Pony express. Pony express yourself. Pony express yourself so much he left.

"Have you tried barking at the moon?"

"Can you recommend a wine that would compliment a divorce?"

"I always spend New Year's surrounded by loved ones."

'I'll never forget you, Vince -- My therapist says it would be counterproductive to try.'

"Only time can heal a broken heart, Brenda, and fortunately I have the time, every Thursday at three o'clock."

'2 chocolate truffles in the morning and 2 in the evening should cure your broken heart,,,'

Ereptile Dysfunction

'I don't believe in blind dates... the last time I got fixed up I got neutered.'

"I'm sorry, Brad, but I'm saving eye-contact for that special someone."