Recovering From A Breakup Gifts

"I always spend New Year's surrounded by loved ones."

"I'm still in shock. He had such a trustworthy avatar."

Speed Dating for Turtles

"I met him on an online dating site. He was on their 'return' section."

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Pony express. Pony express yourself. Pony express yourself so much he left.

"Have you tried barking at the moon?"

'When he said it would be 'me and him against the world' I had no idea everyone was already mad at him.'

'I'll never forget you, Vince -- My therapist says it would be counterproductive to try.'

"Don't wait too long for Mr. Right or you'll end up with Mr. What's left!"

"Only time can heal a broken heart, Brenda, and fortunately I have the time, every Thursday at three o'clock."

A man sews broken hearts back together.

Ereptile Dysfunction

"I'm sorry, Brad, but I'm saving eye-contact for that special someone."

'Yeah, but this time she just said no -- there wasn't any hysterical laughter!'

'2 chocolate truffles in the morning and 2 in the evening should cure your broken heart,,,'

"It's over between us, Kevin, I've met a most wonderful cod!"

'I don't believe in blind dates... the last time I got fixed up I got neutered.'

"You've got to learn to let go."

'Well, if you really want to know...you will meet a short, pale and ugly man...'

"I'm not sure I'm ready to date again. I'm just coming off a bad mitosis."

'When I said we should see other people, I didn't mean starting tonight.'

"In this YouTube tutorial, I'm going to show you how to be alone with yourself."

"Honestly, I'm not sure I even know who every one of you are anymore."

'What are you doing trying to tempt me?? I told you I was through with you!!'

"I think we should each try other beers."

A woman buries her broken heart

"I've been getting the most intense workouts since I taped a picture of my ex on the heavy bag!"

'Don't look now but it's that guy from Pennsylvania that you dumped,'

"Recently separated."

Sleep Clinic. ZZZZZZ. We can tell a lot about somebody's sleep by the sounds they make. This subject is experiencing normal, restful sleep. YYYYYY. He's having fitful sleep because his girlfriend dumped him. MMMMMM. It looks a lot like he's having a dream about a delicious meal. BBBBBB. This gardener is having a nightmare about disturbing a hive. And what's happening here? I think he's look forward to "talk like a pirate day"! RRRRRR.

"Could you just make it a little awkward for a few weeks?"

"If you ask me, we're better off without her."

'My advice? Dump him! There are plenty more fish in the sea...'

'I couldn't run away with you. I feel I would be depriving a village of its idiot!'