Divorce Recovery Pillows

"He's been married before but he has excellent blue book value."

Change your style, learn to smile!

'Maybe you should start dating again.'

'Let's table whether I've suffered enough and talk about my upcoming second marriage.'

Speed Dating for Turtles

Marriage least expected to last...

'When he said it would be 'me and him against the world' I had no idea everyone was already mad at him.'

"Have you tried barking at the moon?"

"Can you recommend a wine that would compliment a divorce?"

"I always spend New Year's surrounded by loved ones."

'Two Mr. Wrongs don't make a Mr. Right.'

',,,But if I do eat them I'll lose my child support, Oh, Alice,divorce is so hard,'

"Don't wait too long for Mr. Right or you'll end up with Mr. What's left!"

A man sews broken hearts back together.

"You look quite presentable when you make the effort. Your ex-wife always told me you scrubbed up well."

'2 chocolate truffles in the morning and 2 in the evening should cure your broken heart,,,'

'Yeah, but this time she just said no -- there wasn't any hysterical laughter!'

'I don't believe in blind dates... the last time I got fixed up I got neutered.'

"I'm not sure I'm ready to date again. I'm just coming off a bad mitosis."

'Well, if you really want to know...you will meet a short, pale and ugly man...'

'It'll get better, Vinny - my marriages always have a bad first quarter.'

"Can't you just say 'bippity boppity boo' and make all these messy divorce negotiations turn into pumpkins or something?"

"On a personal note, my wife, Ann, and I have agreed to separate, as I've fallen in love with the sound of my own voice."

The Gayhorns

"Honestly, I'm not sure I even know who every one of you are anymore."

A woman buries her broken heart

'These anti-depressants aren't for swallowing, sir, they're for throwing at your ex-wife.'

Sleep Clinic. ZZZZZZ. We can tell a lot about somebody's sleep by the sounds they make. This subject is experiencing normal, restful sleep. YYYYYY. He's having fitful sleep because his girlfriend dumped him. MMMMMM. It looks a lot like he's having a dream about a delicious meal. BBBBBB. This gardener is having a nightmare about disturbing a hive. And what's happening here? I think he's look forward to "talk like a pirate day"! RRRRRR.

'I tried to feeding on demand - it led to divorce on demand.'

"I see a lot of Don Juan Complexes, but you're the first Don Knotts Complex I've come across."

'I feel sorry for you single people. Nobody to go home to fight with.'

"You lying fink! Your dating profile specifically stated you were a non smoker!!"

...thirty-nine years young, recent divorcee, lifestyle includes a canine leitmotif....

Ducttape Man! I'll mend your broken heart!

'Lost my job, house repossessed, but at least I've still got you.'