Portion Patrol Gifts

'My diet allows me only one muffin a day!'

"Oh, I listen to my body at meal time, but the messages aren't clear because its mouth is full!"

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"Cheers mate, you've done me a solid."

Looking at belt - "One more notch, room for desert."

"How did I find my lamb chop? Well, I lifted up a roast potato and there it was."

Weight Loss Counselor, out for a 400 calorie lunch.

Polar bear on a mountain of plastic

Shopper sees sign: Buy one get ripped off.

"I'm on a diet. Mini-size it!"

"My father always said...eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince...and dinner like a beggar."

'...And when it registers over 140 pounds, it automatically triggers the refrigerator lock.'

'I want to be them!'

"Hey, that's your personal pan pizza. NO SHARING!"

Go large or go home!

"No, I said 'sit'."

'I'll pay double for half as much.'

"You asked me to keep a food diary, this is last week's!"

A man walks with a dog who has learnt to scoop his own poop.

"Who had the Lumberjack fruit cup?"

"Just a heads-up... when you count calories, high score doesn't win."ories/high score

'Yes, I got it all.'

"Just one menu for us, please. We don't want to overeat."

Diet Food...& lots of it

"It's only 5 calories a serving...but a serving is a crumb."

'You talk about a clean dog!'

It's a dreadful affair, Watson. Flagrant failure to use the poopy bins.

'You are what you eat!'

'Our diets are based on out unique 'portion management system'. Basically we ship your portions to Albuquerque so you can't get at them!'

All-You-Should-Eat Buffet.

'To be honest Mabel, we just made 'em smaller!'

"Oh, for goodness sake! I'll change the baby's nappy!"