Portion Protector Gifts

"Hey, that's your personal pan pizza. NO SHARING!"

"We're counting on you to reverse this trend before this afternoon's investors meeting."

'No JAMIE,you're NOT keeping any strays! Now GET rid of him and go wash up for dinner!...' / 'Sorry kiddo,i tried...'

"I intend to stay in this job, come Hell or high water."

Business cartoon showing sales declining so much that they bounce off the floor.

'This app is linked to my financial advisor and provides simulated hand holding when the market is down.'

"I suppose you're all wondering why I called this meeting today."

Looking at belt - "One more notch, room for desert."

Weight Loss Counselor, out for a 400 calorie lunch.

"How did I find my lamb chop? Well, I lifted up a roast potato and there it was."

"There's something about seeing red that just drives me crazy."

The stock market sky is falling.

'Closing the letter with 'Very fondly yours' seems okay but let's run it by legal, to be sure it cannot be misinterpreted as sexual harassment.'

'Don't you think your Jim has taken getting his favourite sun lounger as far as it can go?'

"The last thing I remember was asking my broker if all my money had been in risk-free bonds."

I've got to monitor all chatter in the cafe to prevent future pastry thefts. I don't know … What if you've got a scone thief for a neighbor, or a friend, or even a family member? Sure, today it's just a scone. But the next attack could be huge – the big one! You don't mean … Hoagie. They're trying to destroy our whole way of life.

"Trust me, with me in charge, your kid will behave and be safe..."

'Sorry, but I won't discuss my financial portfolio on a first date.'

'My diet allows me only one muffin a day!'

"Oh, I listen to my body at meal time, but the messages aren't clear because its mouth is full!"

'I think this is where our fish pond was.'

"We have had some bumps and bruises on the stock market."

'These are my dieting glasses. They magnify the food so I think I'm eating more than I really am.'

Go large or go home!

'...And when it registers over 140 pounds, it automatically triggers the refrigerator lock.'

'My union prevented taking away our dental plan to pay for executive bonuses!'

Deadly sales figures...

'Pasta imposter' "Oi! You're not vermicelli, you're cheese string..bugger off!!"

Birthday Cakes for Dieters...

Birthday cakes for Dieters...

"Who had the Lumberjack fruit cup?"

'We've got to take care, sir! Last month, this thing went down and hit a guy at the floor below us!'

"It's only 5 calories a serving...but a serving is a crumb."

Tired of searing the roof of his mouth when he ate pizza, Gary swore by his new Pizza Shield.

'This food is revolting. And such small portions.'