Pizza Protector Gifts

Tired of searing the roof of his mouth when he ate pizza, Gary swore by his new Pizza Shield.

"Helmet, check. Harness, check. Knee and elbow pads, check. You may now push the swing."

Teddy bear being taken to hospital.

"I thought I was a hoarder, but it turns out I'm a prepper."

The marketing is out there now. People all know the pizzas are prepared on the premises. So why no customers?

'Don't you think your Jim has taken getting his favourite sun lounger as far as it can go?'

"Trust me, with me in charge, your kid will behave and be safe..."

I've got to monitor all chatter in the cafe to prevent future pastry thefts. I don't know … What if you've got a scone thief for a neighbor, or a friend, or even a family member? Sure, today it's just a scone. But the next attack could be huge – the big one! You don't mean … Hoagie. They're trying to destroy our whole way of life.

Error in low-fat pizza design.

'You've had enough!'

The question "Is it safe to be on that thing?" means something different today than it did a year ago.

"Hey, that's your personal pan pizza. NO SHARING!"

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

In certain parts of the world, chili-peppers have become a valuable commodity!

'Pasta imposter' "Oi! You're not vermicelli, you're cheese string..bugger off!!"

"Stupid bullies. I would try to defend myself – but what if I lose? Who would cover my legal expenses?"

"Oh, great, the fundamentalists are back."

'Is there anything more infectious than the laughter of children?... Besides us, I mean.'

'You may have my Double-Double when you can pry it from my cold, dead hand.'

School crossing

Woman tells slob husband: 'Yes, you've got the Gold for watching the most Olympics coverage, now please get a shower.'

Modern Childhood

'My mom says you can come in sans nanchaku.'

Hello, I need to take back your cherry pie? Touch it and die. Mrs. Cohen, that pastry came from a bakery in China. We've since learned it might be toxic. Importing from China can be bad for your health. There's crust in your ear.

Children and the pandemic

"It's '60 Minutes.' Did you order a mushroom pizza in July, 1992, and never pick it up?"`

'I'm eating right now. Can you call me back when I'm not eating?'

'They're a lot safer when they have this foam insulation on, plus...'

Safety Goggles and Breathing Apparatus must be worn in the Sandpit

The Rise and Fall of the the Planet of the Geeks.

"Deep and crisp and even...just how I like my pizzas!"

"Don't worry, I'll invite everyone but him to your birthday party."

Produce. Manage the inventory better --- spoilage is bankrupting me! He's losing money because of all the dead beets.

Tensions are high in the produce section as no one dares to lick their fingers.

"Hello, Mr. Gottlieb of Acme Telemarketing? Oh, did I interrupt your dinner...?"