Portfolio Analyst Gifts

60,000 is the new 100,000.

"Let's begin with an x-ray of your portfolio."

Phrenology bust with sections for different currencies.

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

Foreign Markets with Big Barriers

'Quick! We need a bigger chart in here!'

"Let me just check my email, my texts, my missed calls, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, my credit score, my horoscope, the results of this latest personality test, the S. & P., the Dow, the news, this article about cute dogs, and the weather, and then we can go."

"DeepSeek" "Stargate"

Build Your Own Portfolio

At first I thought it was just coincidence, but then I realized it corresponded directly to your shift.

'Good news! Our nest egg is developing into a double yoke.'

'Greek debt was downgraded for the 11th time this week, by S&P, to P.O.S. Negative Infinity, meaning it's safer to eat uranium, than own Greek debt.'

'We need to change our luck. Let's move our headquarters to Redmond, the home of Microsoft.'

'Today the stock market was moribund, as growth equities sputtered and bonds dipped due to the inverted yield curve. I'd translate that into layman's terms...but they don't pay me enough.'

'Gentlemen, we need a slogan!'

"O.K. he's a billionaire, but how much of it is in cash?"

'Remember, an economic boom is usually followed by an economic kaboom,'

'How to time the market' seminar - 2pm, postponed to 3pm, then to 4pm.

Hedge fund sharks attacking 'The Markets' ship.

Man pushing Euro sign up a hill.

US dollar perched on fragile house of cards.

'Crisis'

Woman at a desk with in out boxes marked Market Up Market Down.

'We must grasp this new opportunity'

'Believe me dad. I'm on the school math team. If your investments declined 50 then increased 50 you did not break even.'

'This is where I keep my investment portfolio.'

"There's a lot of uncertainty out there these days. Or not. Who knows?"

"True, a salary cap on Wall Street may limit the talent pool, but, on the other hand, if they get any more talented we'll all be broke."

"Basically it makes the same mistakes we've always made - but it makes tham so much faster!"

"We're always excited to hear from analysts who are bullish on the market."

...I wonder who started the rumour of your resignation?

'Competition is good...unless it's too good.'

"Some guy by the name of Bernanke called in. He wants to try and make an emergency soft landing."

Pulling The Economy Uphill

'Wake up! You should be worrying about our investments!'