Portfolio Strategist Gifts

'Was it Nietzsche who said, whatever doesn't kill your portfolio makes it stronger?'

'We need to decide where to put what's left of your money. I suggest something short-term - like your memory.'

'You've been hard at work on my account, judging from the number of prospectuses I throw away unopened each week.'

'I'd like to diversify my portfolio. For a change, why don't you get me a stock that's not in a group I like to classify as 'losers?'

"You were right. I should have split my money between high risk stocks and safe bonds."

'A few rules for new investors: First never say 'kaching' until the market is up...'

"I thought you were going to put all my money in a convertible stock."

Phrenology bust with sections for different currencies.

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

"Stock options for your thoughts."

The day the stock market went UP.

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

"It creates the illusion of risk but you know you're perfectly safe."

"Our light bill is astronomical living next to a black hole."

'The prevailing wisdom is that markets are always right. I think that luck is always right.'

"Gentlemen, we're missing a great opportunity by not hitching this company to the current tailspin."

Build Your Own Portfolio

'Good news! Our nest egg is developing into a double yoke.'

Investments - remember, you are what you invest in!

'Greek debt was downgraded for the 11th time this week, by S&P, to P.O.S. Negative Infinity, meaning it's safer to eat uranium, than own Greek debt.'

Will work for ETFs

'Investment charts can be complicated, son, but that usually means, 'bonuses'.'

'Now that we've defined 'happy deficits' let's try it out on the stockholders.'

'I think I know what the problem is!'

Investments - Founders Bear and Bull.

"Okay, money doesn't make you happy. So how about commodity futures?"

"Well, either you're hopelessly optimistic or hopelessly short-sighted."

"Until we get a bigger chart, we're estimating it's now about up to here."

Economic Outlook Conference - 'Remember the seating is optimist, pessimist, optimist,...'

Day trading.

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

World Economic Crisis.

'He's refusing to die as a protest against Inheritance Tax.'

'Hey, the quarter wasn't so bad after all.'