Portfolio Enthusiast Gifts

'Can he call you back? He's viewing his favourite internet site.'

Aggressive Investments - No Sissies!

'Now that I have your attention...'

Phrenology bust with sections for different currencies.

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

Profit

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

'Quick! We need a bigger chart in here!'

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

Build Your Own Portfolio

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

'Good news! Our nest egg is developing into a double yoke.'

'Wavering between being bullish or bearish'

"Fantastic presentation! All of the investors loved it."

'Investment charts can be complicated, son, but that usually means, 'bonuses'.'

'If only I'd spent as much time on my investment portfolio as I did on my lolly mix when I was a kid.'

Investments - Founders Bear and Bull.

Wall Street Couch

"Okay, money doesn't make you happy. So how about commodity futures?"

Day trading.

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

'When investment bankers give parental advice'

'Stocks were up on news that no performance enhancing drugs were used to achieve today's highs. . .'

I was trying to day trade my way through business school, but then the stock market tanked.

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

"We're counting on you to reverse this trend before this afternoon's investors meeting."

'Don't tell me how much you love me. Tell me how my stock is going.'

'Not feeling well? Don't be silly - your EKG has outperformed the Dow.'

'No thanks, I don't drink when I'm driving home a point about investing.'

US dollar perched on fragile house of cards.

'You reached the Nervous Investor Fund's Hotline. The per share value is now 19.05, now 18.91, now...'

"Did you hear that that bastard McMinney has buggered of to work for Bank of America!"

"My path to success and fortune was that rather than foraging and storing my own food, I built a portfolio of storage properties to rent..."

'Why do you want a career in the bank?'