Portfolio Pun Enthusiast Gifts

'I was...wong about that stock. I was wonk about that stock. I was wrung about that stock. I was...wronk about that stock. I was...'

"I keep feeling we should float the company"

"Okay, money doesn't make you happy. So how about commodity futures?"

'A representative from Merrill Lynch to see you.'

'We will not kick the can down the road... Does anyone know how to use a can opener?'

"Your vocabulary is enlarged."

"Our Big Hairy Audacious Goal is balding."

I like you and I like your company!

'Henderson makes money the old fashioned way - White collar crime.'

"Now that's how to declare a dividend!"

"I've got an MBA. Massive Business Anxiety."

"Is that your answer to everything? 'Chase the dot?'"

"Class, this is David. He's our new financial exchange student."

'I am on a diet! It's called the Wall Street diet. I invested in British Airways, and the first day I lost 500 pounds.'

'Oil painting is fine, but I can't do watercolours, obviously...'

An exaggeration of estate agents

"Right now I'm mostly in cash."

"Any chance you could do it at a higher resolution?"

'Smith, where exactly did you get your experience in 'Hedge Fund Management'?'

To the grim reaper: 'You may go in now.'

Mergers or acquisitions.

Escaping Black Hole - '..But captain that's the pensions black hole there is no escape!'

"Yes, the market did advance this week, Rebecca, but we feel it's somewhat of a 'dead-cat bounce.'"

'Just this once, but I want a piece of the action.'

'There's a bear on line one and a bull on line two. Who do you want me to put through first?'

'Yea, I give away the fire. I make my money on insurance.'

'It's a retrospective of Bernanke's most obtuse economic jargon...'

A good executive is known by the company he keeps solvent.

'I see you've renamed your portfolios Moe, Larry and Curley.'

'I know you're new to upper management, Hoskins, but here we don't catnap...we power nap.'

Missing Daylight: So dark. So cold.

First Little Piggy Investment Associates

'That's the trouble with theae Chinese stocks -- an hour later you want to invest again.'

'Well, call it 'diet stocks'. Your bank account won't get fat because of the dividend income.'

"For sale £470,000 house included"