Financial Pun Enthusiasts Gifts

Dunloanin...bank manager.

British savings accounts

America's Funniest Interest Rate Hikes

'A representative from Merrill Lynch to see you.'

'The bank says they're freezing my assets! I don't understand: They've always been frozen...'

"You have to declare what you rob from the rich, but you can deduct what you give to the poor."

'Now let's proceed downstairs and see where our stock shares presently sits,'

"Now that's how to declare a dividend!"

Out of control

"At least we're consistent ... "

'Our fund lost millions, but the good news is our management fees are not based on performance.'

'I am on a diet! It's called the Wall Street diet. I invested in British Airways, and the first day I lost 500 pounds.'

The Decline of the Euro.

Bank notes coming out of a safe.

'Smith, where exactly did you get your experience in 'Hedge Fund Management'?'

"Yes, the market did advance this week, Rebecca, but we feel it's somewhat of a 'dead-cat bounce.'"

Escaping Black Hole - '..But captain that's the pensions black hole there is no escape!'

'Just this once, but I want a piece of the action.'

'We've reached the thirty percent cut in operating expenses you wanted and we're the only two left in the building.'

'There's a bear on line one and a bull on line two. Who do you want me to put through first?'

'Due to current market conditions, I'm recommending that my clients invest heavily into pain medication companies.'

Ireland and its Celtic Tiger request some donations

'We stopped to smell the darn roses here!'

'I consider myself to be a sophisticated investor. I would never invest in penny stocks. I lost all of my money investing with a brokerage specializing in nickel stocks.'

"I'm afraid with your income I couldn't possibly approve a loan of that size. Would you like a list of our approved loan sharks?"

Inflation is a national headache. . . caused by asset indigestion!

Budget Cuts

A good executive is known by the company he keeps solvent.

'It's a retrospective of Bernanke's most obtuse economic jargon...'

'The market dropped on the news some IRS refund checks said 'do not cash until next Friday'.'

"I see you have the latest in accounting software."

'Well, son... I've made my first million by selling my unpaid bills to the paper-recycling guy!'

"How much do I need? How much you got?"

'You won't feel a thing. We make a small incision in your wallet and...'

A man notices the Chase logo has turned into snakes eating themselves."