Financial Pun Fan Gifts

'It's a retrospective of Bernanke's most obtuse economic jargon...'

'I'm afraid those shares have gone from a maturing stock to a laughing stock.'

'Now that I have your attention...'

Loan Alley

'A representative from Merrill Lynch to see you.'

'All we can do is hope for identity theft.'

Jumping Wall Street.

"Now that's how to declare a dividend!"

Greek Crisis

'Our tabby was pre-approved for a credit card!'

IRS: The country is broke, but your taxes cannot be construed as 'Charity to the Poor'.

'Credit being what it is, I'm sure you won't mind if we see your 200,000 cattle first...'

'I am on a diet! It's called the Wall Street diet. I invested in British Airways, and the first day I lost 500 pounds.'

'Smith, where exactly did you get your experience in 'Hedge Fund Management'?'

Golden bubbles

'In today's market news, losers outnumbered those who were wiped out.'

"I'd like these invested in an aggressive mutual fund."

"You inherited an extra toe from your father and didn't pay the inheritance tax on it."

"Sure, it may be great for us, but it's hell on the markets."

"Yes, the market did advance this week, Rebecca, but we feel it's somewhat of a 'dead-cat bounce.'"

Escaping Black Hole - '..But captain that's the pensions black hole there is no escape!'

'Just this once, but I want a piece of the action.'

'There's a bear on line one and a bull on line two. Who do you want me to put through first?'

We only have two things to fear - fear itself and someone getting a look at our books.

'We've had a marginal advance-decline on a near-term buy-out, but no one knows if that translates as a downturn or an up-tick.'

'Money, that's what seperates us from the apes.'

'It's a deal, for $15 an hour, I'll stand in front of your office.'

A good executive is known by the company he keeps solvent.

'I called you in here because your expenses and contributions appear to be quite elaborate!'

News and Magazines. Record Debt. Dollar Down. How can the dollar be weak when we've been giving it such a good workout?

"We must do something about the bloated, fat cat image bankers have a acquired...I think I'll settle for a bigger chair!"

Black hole-in-the-wall at Jodrell Bank

The classic 'large scale corporate raider' eventually, they end up catching themselves!!

Department of Unrealistic Dividend Earnings: 'We realize it is an unnecessary department but the acronym was just too cool to shut it down.'

'You won't feel a thing. We make a small incision in your wallet and...'