Business Pun Fan Gifts

"It looks like you're the main stakeholder in this business."

"It's a generational thing, … You're not generating any revenue."

"Looks like we found the issue."

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

"I keep feeling we should float the company"

"We're a very small international conglomerate."

Boss to worker taking out wallet: 'It's only fair, Pete. Last year, we shared profits!'

'No matter how cynical I become, I can't keep up.'

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

'Our problem is how to lower quality while raising prices...'

'We will not kick the can down the road... Does anyone know how to use a can opener?'

'Excellent!...We've been looking to hire someone who can think outside the box.'

Non-Power Breakfast

"He'll do anything to say in power."

'He bowed lower for me than for you.'

'Not exactly what I meant by job creation.'

"I know we're not lions, but let's call ourselves a pride anyway."

Scapegoat of the Year

"It's a swearbox."

"Comparing our salaries with the workers' salaries makes me cry...with laughter!"

"Our Big Hairy Audacious Goal is balding."

Told you...Nonsense compulsive disorder.

'Henderson makes money the old fashioned way - White collar crime.'

I like you and I like your company!

"While we're on the subject of earnings, does anyone have a clever metaphor using the word, 'toilet'?"

'And these are the projections if we stop doing silly things like paying the employees.'

Stoneage business ethics: 'But, hey, this 'ethics' stuff isn't carved in stone!'

'We raised the price, so at least as far as we're concerned it's new and improved.'

'You'll never succeed until the kissing up becomes instinctual.'

"Gentlemen, may I present our company's future. A buggy whip... with Bluetooth!"

"Now that's how to declare a dividend!"

"Already sold your soul to the company? Listen, I'll have my people talk to their people."