Business Satirical Fan Gifts

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"Looks like we found the issue."

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

'The check is in the email attachment.'

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

'Shhhh. Fido inherited seventy percent of this company.'

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

'We're here to carbon date your company's carbon footprint.'

Lethal Presentation

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

'If corporate lawyers are a dime a dozen, where are the other ten?'

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

'Pssst! Straighten up, here come the bigwigs.'

"We have an acronym!"

'You really want that promotion, don't you, Sherman?'

Boss to worker taking out wallet: 'It's only fair, Pete. Last year, we shared profits!'

'Upset at you for breaching the non-compete? Of course not.'

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

"And you can rest assured that your problem is being ignored at the very highest levels."

'One of the new targets is targeting which targets we're meant to target.'

'I heard the Board was talking about kicking you, but I don't know if it's upstairs or out.'

'The cash bonus incentives don't appear to be having the desired results. So, I've hired Rocky, here. He'll be providing the heads of the least productive departments with his own brand of incentive. If you know what I mean.'

'No matter how cynical I become, I can't keep up.'

'Our problem is how to lower quality while raising prices...'

"We need volunteers for the car chasing fundraiser."