Humor In Business Fan Gifts

"People, the facts are inescapable. Any ideas on how we can ignore them?"

'What's the secret of my success? I almost always act slowly on my bad ideas.'

"Looks like we found the issue."

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"This position has become very important to the company."

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

"Hold my calls, Kimberly. I'm with a ball of string."

"I hate performance review season."

Boss to worker taking out wallet: 'It's only fair, Pete. Last year, we shared profits!'

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

'No matter how cynical I become, I can't keep up.'

'Our problem is how to lower quality while raising prices...'

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

'Excellent!...We've been looking to hire someone who can think outside the box.'

"How can you have a meteoric rise to the top in a one-story building?"

"He'll do anything to say in power."

Non-Power Breakfast

'I delegate, then I follow up.'

'Does it bother anyone else that our entire business is based on one questionable product?'

'He bowed lower for me than for you.'

Executive golf with Newton's cradle

'Not exactly what I meant by job creation.'

"A few years ago, you management gurus told us to downsize until the halls echoed..."

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

Told you...Nonsense compulsive disorder.

Scapegoat of the Year

'I understand they specialize in acquisitions.'

"Comparing our salaries with the workers' salaries makes me cry...with laughter!"

"I know we're not lions, but let's call ourselves a pride anyway."

"It's a swearbox."

'Here you are, Simmons!'

'And these are the projections if we stop doing silly things like paying the employees.'

Stoneage business ethics: 'But, hey, this 'ethics' stuff isn't carved in stone!'