Humor In Business Fanatic Gifts

Businessman Cut Down by Monthly Reports

"Looks like we found the issue."

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"This position has become very important to the company."

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

"Hold my calls, Kimberly. I'm with a ball of string."

"I hate performance review season."

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

Boss to worker taking out wallet: 'It's only fair, Pete. Last year, we shared profits!'

'No matter how cynical I become, I can't keep up.'

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

"Imagine if only 1/2 the companies that claimed to have a great culture actually did."

'An exxpert team set up a team of special consultants, that then set up a committee whose members asked their 7 year old kids. Now 14 months later they've concluded we're not efficient enough.'

'Our problem is how to lower quality while raising prices...'

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

'Excellent!...We've been looking to hire someone who can think outside the box.'

"He'll do anything to say in power."

"How can you have a meteoric rise to the top in a one-story building?"

Non-Power Breakfast

"Has anyone mentioned that you're management now, …… You don't get overtime."

'I delegate, then I follow up.'

'Does it bother anyone else that our entire business is based on one questionable product?'

'He bowed lower for me than for you.'

'We're all right as long as they think we're taking millions.'

Executive golf with Newton's cradle

'Not exactly what I meant by job creation.'

'If we hadn't outsourced the staff, we could've eaten them.'

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

Told you...Nonsense compulsive disorder.

Scapegoat of the Year

"I know we're not lions, but let's call ourselves a pride anyway."

"Comparing our salaries with the workers' salaries makes me cry...with laughter!"

Economy Slows: 'It's still too fast for me.'

ANOTHER FINE MESS, INC.