Humor In Business Fanatic Prints

Businessman Cut Down by Monthly Reports

"Looks like we found the issue."

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"This position has become very important to the company."

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

"Hold my calls, Kimberly. I'm with a ball of string."

"I hate performance review season."

Boss to worker taking out wallet: 'It's only fair, Pete. Last year, we shared profits!'

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

'No matter how cynical I become, I can't keep up.'

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

"Imagine if only 1/2 the companies that claimed to have a great culture actually did."

'Our problem is how to lower quality while raising prices...'

'An exxpert team set up a team of special consultants, that then set up a committee whose members asked their 7 year old kids. Now 14 months later they've concluded we're not efficient enough.'

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

'Excellent!...We've been looking to hire someone who can think outside the box.'

Non-Power Breakfast

"How can you have a meteoric rise to the top in a one-story building?"

"Has anyone mentioned that you're management now, …… You don't get overtime."

"He'll do anything to say in power."

'I delegate, then I follow up.'

'Does it bother anyone else that our entire business is based on one questionable product?'

'We're all right as long as they think we're taking millions.'

'He bowed lower for me than for you.'

Executive golf with Newton's cradle

'Not exactly what I meant by job creation.'

"Comparing our salaries with the workers' salaries makes me cry...with laughter!"

Told you...Nonsense compulsive disorder.

"I know we're not lions, but let's call ourselves a pride anyway."

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

Economy Slows: 'It's still too fast for me.'

Scapegoat of the Year

"While we're on the subject of earnings, does anyone have a clever metaphor using the word, 'toilet'?"

"It's a swearbox."