Stock Pun Enthusiast Gifts

"For some reason, I'm always down when the market is up."

The day the stock market went UP.

"I keep feeling we should float the company"

"We've called this special Stocholders meeting because we want all of our stock back."

'We will not kick the can down the road... Does anyone know how to use a can opener?'

'Henderson makes money the old fashioned way - White collar crime.'

"Our Big Hairy Audacious Goal is balding."

'They say a fool and his money are soon parted. Here's a list of fools. Make it happen.'

"You will be visited by three ghosts - the Ghost of Porfolios Past, The Ghost of Present Positions and the Ghost of Commodities Future."

'Just to let you know the cause of your pain and my advice is Quite Watching Stock Prices Go Up And Down.'

"Now that's how to declare a dividend!"

"Class, this is David. He's our new financial exchange student."

Cheer up, you'll get your day.

"Most of what I want this year is listed on the Nasdaq."

Soup Company: Chicken Stock, Beef Stock and Laughing Stock,

'I am on a diet! It's called the Wall Street diet. I invested in British Airways, and the first day I lost 500 pounds.'

'Stocks were high...then low...then suddenly high again on news of a new drug to treat mood swings...'

'I today's market news, Greed roared back.'

'Smith, where exactly did you get your experience in 'Hedge Fund Management'?'

"Any chance you could do it at a higher resolution?"

"Who's on duty today...you or me?"

'In today's action, the Dow Jones Industrial Average cratered, then soared, then swooned, then skyrocketed, then plummeted, then rebounded, and finally threw up.'

Escaping Black Hole - '..But captain that's the pensions black hole there is no escape!'

"Yes, the market did advance this week, Rebecca, but we feel it's somewhat of a 'dead-cat bounce.'"

'Just this once, but I want a piece of the action.'

'I actually look forward to hibernating during bull markets.'

'There's a bear on line one and a bull on line two. Who do you want me to put through first?'

'I know you're new to upper management, Hoskins, but here we don't catnap...we power nap.'

'It's a retrospective of Bernanke's most obtuse economic jargon...'

"I was doing pretty well in the stock market until I discovered there were laws."

A good executive is known by the company he keeps solvent.

Missing Daylight: So dark. So cold.

Stock market worries.

'As expected, your shares of de ja vu are rebounding, again.'

Bull and Bear Nightmare