Stock Market Pun Lover Gifts

"IF you don't believe I don't have any money, speak to my broker."

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

"They've made these fund prospectuses much easier to read." Brochure states; 'Give us all your money and get lost."

"Now that's how to declare a dividend!"

'Today, the dollar gained against the euro, pound, yen, yuan, the Picasso, Degas, and the Warhol.'

'Smith, where exactly did you get your experience in 'Hedge Fund Management'?'

'I am on a diet! It's called the Wall Street diet. I invested in British Airways, and the first day I lost 500 pounds.'

"Cold drinks" "Tesla stock"

"Yes, the market did advance this week, Rebecca, but we feel it's somewhat of a 'dead-cat bounce.'"

Escaping Black Hole - '..But captain that's the pensions black hole there is no escape!'

'Just this once, but I want a piece of the action.'

'There's a bear on line one and a bull on line two. Who do you want me to put through first?'

'Stocks gyrated today on news life is full of suprises.'

'It's a retrospective of Bernanke's most obtuse economic jargon...'

Investments: We have locally grown stocks.

"Your EKG corresponds with the stock market report."

A good executive is known by the company he keeps solvent.

"This is a penny stock. This is a prime stock and this is a laughing stock."

'Well, call it 'diet stocks'. Your bank account won't get fat because of the dividend income.'

'Tech stocks tumbled on news that Alan Greenspan's computer was down.'

Morgue for Dot Com Stocks

Garage Sale: Assorted shares of stocks.

Calls of the Wild: Moose Call, Coyote Call and Margin Call.

"Although the collection plate appears to be half full, our accountant assures me that it is half empty."

Please do not give insider tips to the bears.

New York Stock Exchange: Feed the bears at your own risk.

'Your investments aren't under performing, they're just appreciation challenged.'

'Evil' rose 3 points today...'Good' dropped 2.5...

'I'm rather rich actually, maybe it's because I always laugh all the way to the bank...'

"I'm sorry but here we have a strict policy about hiring anyone who's squirmish about investing"

'This is what I call the ultimate in money laundering.'

'Let's not overreact. We're just in solvent, not bankrupt.'

'Facebook stock dropped on news that a psychologist said facebook friends are not real friends.'

"Thank you gentlemen for voting me as chairman."

'Activist investors are here to see you and they're wearing boxing gloves.'