Stock Market Pun Lover Gifts

"IF you don't believe I don't have any money, speak to my broker."

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

"They've made these fund prospectuses much easier to read." Brochure states; 'Give us all your money and get lost."

"Now that's how to declare a dividend!"

'Today, the dollar gained against the euro, pound, yen, yuan, the Picasso, Degas, and the Warhol.'

'Smith, where exactly did you get your experience in 'Hedge Fund Management'?'

"Cold drinks" "Tesla stock"

Escaping Black Hole - '..But captain that's the pensions black hole there is no escape!'

"Yes, the market did advance this week, Rebecca, but we feel it's somewhat of a 'dead-cat bounce.'"

'Just this once, but I want a piece of the action.'

'There's a bear on line one and a bull on line two. Who do you want me to put through first?'

'Stocks gyrated today on news life is full of suprises.'

A good executive is known by the company he keeps solvent.

"Your EKG corresponds with the stock market report."

Investments: We have locally grown stocks.

"This is a penny stock. This is a prime stock and this is a laughing stock."

'Well, call it 'diet stocks'. Your bank account won't get fat because of the dividend income.'

Morgue for Dot Com Stocks

'Tech stocks tumbled on news that Alan Greenspan's computer was down.'

Garage Sale: Assorted shares of stocks.

Calls of the Wild: Moose Call, Coyote Call and Margin Call.

Please do not give insider tips to the bears.

"Although the collection plate appears to be half full, our accountant assures me that it is half empty."

New York Stock Exchange: Feed the bears at your own risk.

'Your investments aren't under performing, they're just appreciation challenged.'

'I'm rather rich actually, maybe it's because I always laugh all the way to the bank...'

'This is what I call the ultimate in money laundering.'

'Let's not overreact. We're just in solvent, not bankrupt.'

"I'm sorry but here we have a strict policy about hiring anyone who's squirmish about investing"

'Evil' rose 3 points today...'Good' dropped 2.5...

"Thank you gentlemen for voting me as chairman."

'Activist investors are here to see you and they're wearing boxing gloves.'

'Hold on to your Enron stock. It could become a valuable collector's item one day.'