Investment Enthusiast Gifts

"Sure, it may be great for us, but it's hell on the markets."

"Today on Wall Street, yesterday's panic selling was replaced by panic buying."

'Your best hedge against a down market is having lots of money.'

"I'm looking for a hedge against my hedge funds."

Risk Management - ''Be careful' All you can tell me is 'be careful''

'It's his only form of exercise these days...chasing yield.'

"If we're being honest, it was your decision to follow my recommendations that cost you money."

'Charles, I want you to meet Joel. You have lots in common. He also thinks he knows how to time the market.'

'Diversify, diversify, diversify. Never keep all your eggs in one basket, unless it's Easter.'

'The market moved higher today on rumors that the market would move higher today.'

'Thank goodness we invested in long term bonds.'

Stocks Go Down.

"What do you have in investment-grade reds?"

'If that doesn't set your tail to wagging, nothing will.'

'I thought you were supposed to be a day trader!'

"Three wishes? Dream on. That was in the heady days before venture capital and advertising revenue disappeared."

"Careful burying all your bones. We get a cold snap and your assets are frozen!"

'Ready for another roll of the dice?'

'On Wall Street, stocks and bonds dropped on news that past performance is no guarantee of future results...'

'Before you get into the market, we need to test your pain threshold...'

'I'm a little concerned about my financial advisor. He said to keep 60% in equities, 25% in bonds, and 25% in cash.'

"Do you have a get better soon card for someone's retirement investment?"

'Don't turn the page yet - I'm not finished!'

"Today share prices fell sharply on the fear that share prices may fall sharply."

"This bond is so boring we gave it a Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z rating."

We won't have to face any angry stockholders. We're running our annual stockholders meeting as an online webcast.

"Do you have any working capital?"

Day trading.

'I don't know about you, but I really don't like the look of that yield curve.'

Junk Bonds

'We did bounce around for a while, but as you can see, we're now back on course.'

'I've invested my heart and soul in this company. I need a receipt for tax purposes.'

"Up a hundred and sixteen points! If only we'd had the foresight to invest ten minutes ago."

'Exactly how much do you have to speculate before anything starts to accumulate?'

'Consider yourself lucky, Eddie. 'Break-even' is the new 'win-win'.'