Vestment Aficionado Gifts

Priest being photographed in ritualistic figure

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

'Now that I have your attention...'

Phrenology bust with sections for different currencies.

The day the stock market went UP.

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

Profit

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

'Quick! We need a bigger chart in here!'

'There's good news and bad news, J. B. - we now control 51% of this corporation's stock!'

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

A Q&A with President Obama over jobs

"What's a debenture?"

'Actually, accounting is an exact science.'

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

'Hey, look, I can stand up and shout, too!'

"Fantastic presentation! All of the investors loved it."

'Investment charts can be complicated, son, but that usually means, 'bonuses'.'

'Wavering between being bullish or bearish'

Squirrel putting nuts in a safe box.

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

'If only I'd spent as much time on my investment portfolio as I did on my lolly mix when I was a kid.'

Wall Street Couch

Investments - Founders Bear and Bull.

"Okay, money doesn't make you happy. So how about commodity futures?"

'My husband is very sensitive. He cries when he sees sunsets, old romantic films, and falling values of his 401(k)'

Day trading.

'When investment bankers give parental advice'

Crony Capitalism (Always Follow the Money Trail)

"You're a fine one to talk about my spending!"

Stock market investment advice

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

'Stocks were up on news that no performance enhancing drugs were used to achieve today's highs. . .'