Vestment Aficionado T-Shirts

Priest being photographed in ritualistic figure

'Now that I have your attention...'

Phrenology bust with sections for different currencies.

The day the stock market went UP.

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

Profit

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

'Quick! We need a bigger chart in here!'

'There's good news and bad news, J. B. - we now control 51% of this corporation's stock!'

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

"What's a debenture?"

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

A Q&A with President Obama over jobs

'Actually, accounting is an exact science.'

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

'Hey, look, I can stand up and shout, too!'

"Fantastic presentation! All of the investors loved it."

'Wavering between being bullish or bearish'

'Investment charts can be complicated, son, but that usually means, 'bonuses'.'

Squirrel putting nuts in a safe box.

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

'If only I'd spent as much time on my investment portfolio as I did on my lolly mix when I was a kid.'

Wall Street Couch

"Okay, money doesn't make you happy. So how about commodity futures?"

Investments - Founders Bear and Bull.

'My husband is very sensitive. He cries when he sees sunsets, old romantic films, and falling values of his 401(k)'

Day trading.

'When investment bankers give parental advice'

Crony Capitalism (Always Follow the Money Trail)

"You're a fine one to talk about my spending!"

Stock market investment advice

'Stocks were up on news that no performance enhancing drugs were used to achieve today's highs. . .'

I love it when you speak Wall Streetese. Say 'to the upside' for me.

"We're counting on you to reverse this trend before this afternoon's investors meeting."