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'Good day in the market?'

'With my brains and your money, we have nothing to lose but your money.'

'As long as he continues to come up with brilliant investment strategies we leave him alone...'

'Before I read the investment committee's report - I would remind everyone that I never asked to be on this committee.'

Investment Broker - "First the good news. Textiles are up, chemicals are up and electricals are up. The bad news is you don't have any."

"Blame the messenger."

'Don't tell me how much you love me. Tell me how my stock is going.'

'Eat a balanced diet, walk daily and make prudent investments.'

'Your financial goal is to break even? I can tell you're an experienced investor.'

'I suggest a short term cash investment. Lucky Lady 2.30 Newmarket.'

'I used to provide capital for business startups. Here's my card. I'm an angel investor.'

"I'm a Schedule D kind of guy with a little Schedule E thrown in."

'Why didn't you tell me your investment objective was to avoid a portfolio meltdown?'

"Buy Apple? Where's the excitement in a stock that only goes up?"

"In the beginning, the promoter has the vision and the public has the money. At the end, the promoter has the money and the public has the vision."

'Good day on the market, huh?'

'Thanks, I never had a broker take me out on his boat before. So, tell me, where are all of your clients' yachts?'

'Psst. . . tell me about your 'obscene dividend' fund.'

"Post traumatic 'Below cost basis' syndrome - it's a common affliction of investors."

'Oh Cynthia, I must tell you. I just found the cutest little mutual fund...'

'There's nothing wrong with your cognitive abilities. All investors have short memories.'

"No, it hasn't, but when the sky does fall your investments are going to do very, very, well.''

45% of my bonus goes to taxes.

"And try not to look too spooked."

"You look like the sort of guy who might like 'short selling' stocks."

Redeemable Securities.

"Great day at the stock market, sweetie?"

''If it ain't broke, don't fix it', is not a good philosophy for one's portfolio.'

'Not only can we show you how to make money on your investments, we can show you how to keep more of what you make.'

'I'm going to refer to an economic theory, first postulated in July, which is still applicable today.'

'Today stocks closed higher on the news that more people are getting into the market to avoid feeling 'left out'.'

'Hi, I brought along the small investors!'

"I'll give you $40 a barrel - $30 if it has oil in it."

"I'm a real estate developer and I'm just looking over this area."

'If someone would invest