Investment Tech Aficionado T-Shirts

"This automated stock trading app can halt rallies or downturns, depending on your market strategy."

'Now that I have your attention...'

The day the stock market went UP.

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

Profit

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

'Quick! We need a bigger chart in here!'

'There's good news and bad news, J. B. - we now control 51% of this corporation's stock!'

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

A Q&A with President Obama over jobs

"What's a debenture?"

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

'Hey, look, I can stand up and shout, too!'

'Wavering between being bullish or bearish'

"Fantastic presentation! All of the investors loved it."

'Investment charts can be complicated, son, but that usually means, 'bonuses'.'

Squirrel putting nuts in a safe box.

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

'If only I'd spent as much time on my investment portfolio as I did on my lolly mix when I was a kid.'

Wall Street Couch

"Okay, money doesn't make you happy. So how about commodity futures?"

'My husband is very sensitive. He cries when he sees sunsets, old romantic films, and falling values of his 401(k)'

Investments - Founders Bear and Bull.

Day trading.

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

Crony Capitalism (Always Follow the Money Trail)

"You're a fine one to talk about my spending!"

'When investment bankers give parental advice'

Stock market investment advice

'Stocks were up on news that no performance enhancing drugs were used to achieve today's highs. . .'

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

I was trying to day trade my way through business school, but then the stock market tanked.

"We're counting on you to reverse this trend before this afternoon's investors meeting."