Investment Tech Aficionado Gifts

"This automated stock trading app can halt rallies or downturns, depending on your market strategy."

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

'Now that I have your attention...'

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

The day the stock market went UP.

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

Profit

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

'Quick! We need a bigger chart in here!'

'There's good news and bad news, J. B. - we now control 51% of this corporation's stock!'

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

A Q&A with President Obama over jobs

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

"What's a debenture?"

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

'Hey, look, I can stand up and shout, too!'

"Fantastic presentation! All of the investors loved it."

'Investment charts can be complicated, son, but that usually means, 'bonuses'.'

'Wavering between being bullish or bearish'

Squirrel putting nuts in a safe box.

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

Wall Street Couch

Investments - Founders Bear and Bull.

"Okay, money doesn't make you happy. So how about commodity futures?"

'My husband is very sensitive. He cries when he sees sunsets, old romantic films, and falling values of his 401(k)'

'If only I'd spent as much time on my investment portfolio as I did on my lolly mix when I was a kid.'

Day trading.

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

"You're a fine one to talk about my spending!"

Crony Capitalism (Always Follow the Money Trail)

'When investment bankers give parental advice'

Stock market investment advice

'Stocks were up on news that no performance enhancing drugs were used to achieve today's highs. . .'

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

I was trying to day trade my way through business school, but then the stock market tanked.