Poolside Perfectionist Gifts

'You'll never be the next Micheal Phelps if you don't start working on your breaststroke.'

CONGRATULATIONS On an awesome swim

'Harold, when was the last time you cleaned the pool?!'

"This the first time you guys ever installed an above-ground pool?"

"Ooooh, I bet that feels nice."

'Sure, it's our pool. . . but who's going to tell him that?'

'Crushing empty beer cans is for wimps.'

'I think he's doing ok, the coach says he has the attention span of a goldfish.'

"I love my new tie! I'll wear it to work tomorrow." "The report'll be done shortly." "Excellent!"

Swimming Prankster

'Swimming is the healthiest sport. . . Because it's the only one where you can't smoke while you're doing it.'

Bankside

Shallow End (Slightly innocuous statements) - Deep End (a little more weighty)

'How's the water, dear?'

Cruise.

"The pH level seems a little off."

"He may be 90 but he's got the body of an 85 year old."

Mozart on a lilo

'Honey, you can't keep running to Daddy every time you find a little bug or something in your pool!'

Summer Sketches - The 4-sous baths

"Alarmingly, after five minutes the pool had come no closer."

'Perhaps we should leave details of the divorce settlement until after we are married.'

'Well, it WAS a pretty coffee table until Dave spilled coffee on it!'

'I don't understand it - there was a little pile of solar dust from Advanced Composition Explorer right here a moment ago.'

"Don't you worry JB, everything is fine here."

'Wow, swimming IS great exercise! The bathroom scale I put down here shows I'm 20 pounds lighter!'

Lemmings on Vacation

'Despite anosmia she fonded her penuche.'

Artist Misses the Point

"You're overthinking this."

This is the last time I host a pool themed birthday party!"

As the years passed, Grandpa became more absent minded...

How swimmers look and feel after a long swim.

Fully decked out in his new skimmer-Boy Mike was able to skim the pool in just 60 seconds,

'You're SURE that you've played water polo before?'