Poolside Mentor Gifts

'I can't take the stress test next week. I have to go to the pool with my grandson and show him how to do a one-and-a-half gainer of the high diving board.'

Pool attached to child's bed.

"Ooooh, I bet that feels nice."

"I love my new tie! I'll wear it to work tomorrow." "The report'll be done shortly." "Excellent!"

Bankside

Shallow End (Slightly innocuous statements) - Deep End (a little more weighty)

'How's the water, dear?'

"Alarmingly, after five minutes the pool had come no closer."

'Perhaps we should leave details of the divorce settlement until after we are married.'

Mozart on a lilo

"Really? Not much of a challenge here."

Dolphin tricks.

'Wow, swimming IS great exercise! The bathroom scale I put down here shows I'm 20 pounds lighter!'

'Despite anosmia she fonded her penuche.'

How swimmers look and feel after a long swim.

Lemmings on Vacation

As the years passed, Grandpa became more absent minded...

"The inflatable pool is a harsh mistress."

"You're overthinking this."

Artist Misses the Point

'Which end's the shallow end?'

Fully decked out in his new skimmer-Boy Mike was able to skim the pool in just 60 seconds,

'How did our ‘Get Away From It All' vacation turn into a ‘Take Most Of It With You' long weekend?'

"9-1-1, I'd like to report a great idea for a podcast."

"Dude, you gotta get out here and clean this pool more often."

The vacation rental agency is saying technically that's a "lap pool," so we can't get our money back.

Baldo's Life is Sweet Moment: When your new best friends down the street install a swimming pool.

Tentacle attacking diver.

'Is it labor day already?'

"Good news, your yacht club membership has arrived!"

If you're going to scream every time a kid yells "cannonball," you're not coming with me anymore.

"And that's why I don't have a steaming pile of s**t in my back yard."

"...You shouldn't by any chance be missing one of your animals?"

An elderly couple arrive at Kiddie Pool Buffet, where people are wearing swim suits etc. and serving food from the pool itself.

"I hate it when they dress you with their eyes."