Poolside Performer Gifts

'Synchronised swimming.'

Dolphin tricks.

Bring your own inflatable.

"I love my new tie! I'll wear it to work tomorrow." "The report'll be done shortly." "Excellent!"

"Albert is the first whistler to use hearing aid feedback as an intro to one of his tunes."

Bankside

Man jumping into swimming pool with phone.

"Really? Not much of a challenge here."

'Which end's the shallow end?'

Fully decked out in his new skimmer-Boy Mike was able to skim the pool in just 60 seconds,

'How did our ‘Get Away From It All' vacation turn into a ‘Take Most Of It With You' long weekend?'

Tentacle attacking diver.

Baldo's Life is Sweet Moment: When your new best friends down the street install a swimming pool.

The vacation rental agency is saying technically that's a "lap pool," so we can't get our money back.

No petting in the pool!

"Good news, your yacht club membership has arrived!"

'Ha! Fake out!'

Get out of the kiddy pool Harold!

'Don't press so hard, I almost drowned back there!'

Swimming

An elderly couple arrive at Kiddie Pool Buffet, where people are wearing swim suits etc. and serving food from the pool itself.

'That would be way embarrassing.'

"Shake! Good dog."

Punch has a smoking break.

"...You shouldn't by any chance be missing one of your animals?"

'Which is the deep end?'

'...Where did you get all these piranhas?'

'Get in the house now!'

'I can't take the stress test next week. I have to go to the pool with my grandson and show him how to do a one-and-a-half gainer of the high diving board.'

'Is that a thong or is your rear end devouring your swimsuit?'

Aquarobics.

'What a RIP-off!'

'They're not a swimming aid - they're my feet !'

'Listen Jimmy, as a member of the School Swimming Squad, you're not taking your training seriously enough!'

'And some sunshine.'