Poolside Humorist Gifts

'Which is the deep end?'

'I can't believe this! Is there anyone here who isn't too chicken to jump?'

Bowling pins in a swimming pool.

"People at the pool say I have an hourglass figure!" 'With an extra half hour at the bottom.'

Tentacle attacking diver.

"...You shouldn't by any chance be missing one of your animals?"

'Which end's the shallow end?'

'I'm going to be sick.'

"It's part of my bucket list."

"Did you remember to order a liner for the pool?"

Castro's successful invasion of miami beach.

Scene on the English coast.

Dolphin tricks.

No petting in the pool!

'Ha! Fake out!'

Get out of the kiddy pool Harold!

'Aren't you supposed to drop the clam on the rock?'

'Don't press so hard, I almost drowned back there!'

Bomb's Away

'That would be way embarrassing.'

Ah heck, don't complain now! This is just the 'Warm-up'!

'I'll trade you three eight-inch shiners for that 24-inch bass.'

'The double codpiece and chips is very popular with the Blackpool crowd, your highness.'

'Synchronised swimming.'

"OY! You trying to nick my chips?"

'...Where did you get all these piranhas?'

'Amazing! 140 decibels as he hits the surface! That puts him easily into first!'

"Please listen carefully as our menu options have changed..."

'Is that a thong or is your rear end devouring your swimsuit?'

'The gannets are worse than the gulls!'

'A working vacation, your honor?'

'They're not a swimming aid - they're my feet !'

Pool Rules: No Diving, No Splashing, No Walking on Water.

'Last week he gave me artificial recreation.'

'POSTED! TOPLESS BATHERS ONLY BEYOND THIS POINT!'