Poolside Humorist Gifts

'Which is the deep end?'

'I can't believe this! Is there anyone here who isn't too chicken to jump?'

Bowling pins in a swimming pool.

"People at the pool say I have an hourglass figure!" 'With an extra half hour at the bottom.'

The vacation rental agency is saying technically that's a "lap pool," so we can't get our money back.

Tentacle attacking diver.

"...You shouldn't by any chance be missing one of your animals?"

'Which end's the shallow end?'

'I'm going to be sick.'

"It's part of my bucket list."

"Did you remember to order a liner for the pool?"

Castro's successful invasion of miami beach.

Scene on the English coast.

Dolphin tricks.

Fully decked out in his new skimmer-Boy Mike was able to skim the pool in just 60 seconds,

No petting in the pool!

'Aren't you supposed to drop the clam on the rock?'

'Ha! Fake out!'

Get out of the kiddy pool Harold!

'Don't press so hard, I almost drowned back there!'

Bomb's Away

'That would be way embarrassing.'

'The double codpiece and chips is very popular with the Blackpool crowd, your highness.'

'Synchronised swimming.'

'I'll trade you three eight-inch shiners for that 24-inch bass.'

Ah heck, don't complain now! This is just the 'Warm-up'!

'Amazing! 140 decibels as he hits the surface! That puts him easily into first!'

"OY! You trying to nick my chips?"

'...Where did you get all these piranhas?'

'A working vacation, your honor?'

'Is that a thong or is your rear end devouring your swimsuit?'

'The gannets are worse than the gulls!'

"Please listen carefully as our menu options have changed..."

'What a RIP-off!'

'They're not a swimming aid - they're my feet !'