Poolside Comic Gifts

'...Where did you get all these piranhas?'

"I love my new tie! I'll wear it to work tomorrow." "The report'll be done shortly." "Excellent!"

"Really? Not much of a challenge here."

Dolphin tricks.

'Which end's the shallow end?'

Fully decked out in his new skimmer-Boy Mike was able to skim the pool in just 60 seconds,

'How did our ‘Get Away From It All' vacation turn into a ‘Take Most Of It With You' long weekend?'

The vacation rental agency is saying technically that's a "lap pool," so we can't get our money back.

Tentacle attacking diver.

No petting in the pool!

"Good news, your yacht club membership has arrived!"

'Ha! Fake out!'

Get out of the kiddy pool Harold!

"Shake! Good dog."

Blonde woman talking to airport bookshop assistant, 'I'll be spending a lot of time by the pool - do you have anything in pink that would match my bikini?'

Bomb's Away

'Don't press so hard, I almost drowned back there!'

'That would be way embarrassing.'

"...You shouldn't by any chance be missing one of your animals?"

'Which is the deep end?'

'Synchronised swimming.'

'Is that a thong or is your rear end devouring your swimsuit?'

Aquarobics.

'What a RIP-off!'

'They're not a swimming aid - they're my feet !'

"You don't need a mask, I filled it with hand sanitizer." (man swimming in a pool, inviting in another person who is wearing a mask)

'Bernie. You better have my ashtray by the time I get there!'

Social distancing

With summer vacation over, Mrs. Locke was having a tough time transitioning back into teaching.

Diver bouncing so high he flies out of the pool.

'There's always one.'

'I can't believe this! Is there anyone here who isn't too chicken to jump?'

Swimming lanes in a bathtub

'Drew has always wanted to learn to water-ski, so we go this lap pool.'

I invited him to join me for a couple of laps and he drank half the pool.