Pool Side Humorist Gifts

'There's always one.'

Castro's successful invasion of miami beach.

Dolphin tricks.

Scene on the English coast.

'Which end's the shallow end?'

The vacation rental agency is saying technically that's a "lap pool," so we can't get our money back.

Tentacle attacking diver.

No petting in the pool!

'Is it just me, or does this water feel unnaturally warm?'

'Aren't you supposed to drop the clam on the rock?'

'Ha! Fake out!'

Get out of the kiddy pool Harold!

Bomb's Away

'Don't press so hard, I almost drowned back there!'

'That would be way embarrassing.'

"Hey buddy move over! This is the fast lane!"

"...You shouldn't by any chance be missing one of your animals?"

'Which is the deep end?'

'I'll trade you three eight-inch shiners for that 24-inch bass.'

'Synchronised swimming.'

'The double codpiece and chips is very popular with the Blackpool crowd, your highness.'

Ah heck, don't complain now! This is just the 'Warm-up'!

"OY! You trying to nick my chips?"

Non-Smoking and Non-Urinating End at Swimming Pool

'Is that a thong or is your rear end devouring your swimsuit?'

"Please listen carefully as our menu options have changed..."

'Amazing! 140 decibels as he hits the surface! That puts him easily into first!'

'...Where did you get all these piranhas?'

'The gannets are worse than the gulls!'

'What a RIP-off!'

Pool Rules: No Diving, No Splashing, No Walking on Water.

'They're not a swimming aid - they're my feet !'

"I wish to complain about the chlorine level in the swimming pool. . ."

New Season's Bathing Machines

"You and me open a chip shop. Whaddaya say?"