Poolside Comedians Gifts

'I'm okay, guys, the lower diving board broke my fall!'

Brighton Bersagliere.

"You want answers?" "I want the truth!" "You can't handle the infinite explanation of cosmological arguments relating to the truth!"

Peter Benchley's New Book Fish!

Dolphin tricks.

Scene on the English coast.

'I think its being tapped.'

"It's my wife - she's trying to lure ships to their doom!"

Death Takes A Time-Share

'Which end's the shallow end?'

No petting in the pool!

Tentacle attacking diver.

'Aren't you supposed to drop the clam on the rock?'

'Ha! Fake out!'

Get out of the kiddy pool Harold!

'That would be way embarrassing.'

Bomb's Away

'Don't press so hard, I almost drowned back there!'

"...You shouldn't by any chance be missing one of your animals?"

'Which is the deep end?'

Ah heck, don't complain now! This is just the 'Warm-up'!

'The double codpiece and chips is very popular with the Blackpool crowd, your highness.'

'Synchronised swimming.'

'...Where did you get all these piranhas?'

'Amazing! 140 decibels as he hits the surface! That puts him easily into first!'

"OY! You trying to nick my chips?"

"Please listen carefully as our menu options have changed..."

'Is that a thong or is your rear end devouring your swimsuit?'

'The gannets are worse than the gulls!'

"Wow, cool fangs! Are you a vampire too?"

Aquarobics.

Pool Rules: No Diving, No Splashing, No Walking on Water.

'They're not a swimming aid - they're my feet !'

"Run for your lives! The sea level is rising at the rate of about 1 foot per century!"