Pool Comedian Gifts

'Amazing! 140 decibels as he hits the surface! That puts him easily into first!'

"Say Bernie, how come this little guy's been following you around all week?"

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

"My wife is the queen of misheard lyrics! Listen to her singing carefully next time: it's hilarious..."

Brighton Bersagliere.

Peter Benchley's New Book Fish!

'The trick to scaring surfers is to only show your dorsal fin when you surface next to them...'

Of all the times for us to run in to team GB's Olympic synchronised swimming squad!

'I think its being tapped.'

"Here he comes! Don't move."

'Which end's the shallow end?'

'Is it just me, or does this water feel unnaturally warm?'

A Classic Goldfish Game.

No petting in the pool!

The vacation rental agency is saying technically that's a "lap pool," so we can't get our money back.

Tentacle attacking diver.

'I know it's tough starting out. Your father and I started out in a plastic bag.'

'Aren't you supposed to drop the clam on the rock?'

Get out of the kiddy pool Harold!

'Ha! Fake out!'

"...You shouldn't by any chance be missing one of your animals?"

'Well, sorry, but I can't see anything exciting happening anytime soon...'

"Hey buddy move over! This is the fast lane!"

Bomb's Away

"Well, I don't know I'd call you lucky, but I do agree your boyfriend is quite a catch."

'Don't press so hard, I almost drowned back there!'

"Is 'Upstream' where we really want to be?"

"Lick. Lick. Lick. Lick. Lick. Lick. Lick. Lick. Lick. Lick. Lick. Lick. Lick. Lick. Lick. Then I thought, why not just take a real bath."

'Which is the deep end?'

Ah heck, don't complain now! This is just the 'Warm-up'!

'Our eyes met across a crowded room, and she called the cops.'

"To be fair - he DID say he was going to rearrange your face...!"

"Sean, are you teasing the seagulls again?"

'Is that a thong or is your rear end devouring your swimsuit?'

"Just the bait, please."