Pool Comedian T-Shirts

'Amazing! 140 decibels as he hits the surface! That puts him easily into first!'

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

"Say Bernie, how come this little guy's been following you around all week?"

"My wife is the queen of misheard lyrics! Listen to her singing carefully next time: it's hilarious..."

Brighton Bersagliere.

Peter Benchley's New Book Fish!

'The trick to scaring surfers is to only show your dorsal fin when you surface next to them...'

Of all the times for us to run in to team GB's Olympic synchronised swimming squad!

'I think its being tapped.'

"Here he comes! Don't move."

'Which end's the shallow end?'

A Classic Goldfish Game.

No petting in the pool!

Tentacle attacking diver.

'Is it just me, or does this water feel unnaturally warm?'

'I know it's tough starting out. Your father and I started out in a plastic bag.'

'Ha! Fake out!'

Get out of the kiddy pool Harold!

'Aren't you supposed to drop the clam on the rock?'

'Don't press so hard, I almost drowned back there!'

"...You shouldn't by any chance be missing one of your animals?"

Bomb's Away

'Well, sorry, but I can't see anything exciting happening anytime soon...'

"Well, I don't know I'd call you lucky, but I do agree your boyfriend is quite a catch."

"Hey buddy move over! This is the fast lane!"

"Is 'Upstream' where we really want to be?"

"Lick. Lick. Lick. Lick. Lick. Lick. Lick. Lick. Lick. Lick. Lick. Lick. Lick. Lick. Lick. Then I thought, why not just take a real bath."

'Which is the deep end?'

Ah heck, don't complain now! This is just the 'Warm-up'!

"Just the bait, please."

"To be fair - he DID say he was going to rearrange your face...!"

'Our eyes met across a crowded room, and she called the cops.'

"Sean, are you teasing the seagulls again?"

'Is that a thong or is your rear end devouring your swimsuit?'