Ponderer Of The Divine Gifts

'I say we try it.'

'Congratulations, you've got the job. Unfortunately though, you'll be constantly late, and we'll fire you in two months.'

"I'll have dessert first."

"It is just as the Oracle foretold!"

'Are you sure we should do all this praying on Sunday? -- I thought it was God's day off.'

'Just one God? - But won't he be outnumbered?'

'You'll be going on a long journey this Christmas.'

'The hardest part of being a street crazy is picking each day's sign.'

Why not get God's fax number, and just fax him my prayer?

'What did He do before he was God?'

'All this knowledge going into my head, through my eyes and out the window to float forever in space.'

God answers what He thought were worldwide prayers for peas.

Jesus wept

'He's always looking for an argument!'

The End is Near.

"NO I DON'T THINK YOU NEED LEGAL REPRESENTATION WHEN SAYING YOUR PRAYERS."

'Do you ever wonder about this whole 'money' thing?'

'I know we're laying up treasures in Heaven, but I still think you should talk to the Church Board about your pension,'

'What do they mean 'is borer a beast of the field'?'

A self-filling prophecy.

'Osgood was a theologian back on Earth, and he thought all this stuff would be allegorical.'

"And God said, 'Let there be light.'" "CFL, incandescent or LED?"

"From the looks of things, I shouldn't have rested on the seventh day."

"Yeah, it's a sweet boat Noah, but you're still gonna have to start over."

"It says God created heaven and earth, then there was light. Why didn't He do it the other way round, when He could see what He was doing?"

Various Birds of Pray.

'Dang, that reminds me...I've gotta get back and post an entry on my blog.'

'And that's your idea of a desk calendar...'

"Honey, could you grab the Bible? I need to double-check something."

'The mind-body problem is best expressed in the formulation...OOf!'

'Nostradamus enjoyed singing in the tub'

'Come back in a couple of days. Maybe something will have opened up.'

'Don't look now, but they're starting ANOTHER religion in the Middle East.'