Polishing Gifts

Boot Camp. Barracks 18. This fluid is specially formulated to remove old polish from combat boots. Ah, a military solution!

'No, it's not a spit polish. I just really hate your shoes.'

"I have a Bachelor's degree from Columbia, an MBA from Stanford, six years experience, and I'm a hell of a mouser."

"Excuse me, but could you ask the chef to make this a little more photogenic?"

"Your answers sound rehearsed."

"I told you not to polish the car too much."

Tortoise polishing his shell

"Well, there's your problem right there -- you need to sauté the onions in white wine before adding the ginger."

"I can work for twelve straight hours without needing to be recharged."

'Hows it coming?'

"You're right, Pierre, they are licking their plates."

'Yes, I have an MBA, A Mistress of Business Administration.'

Bald man polishing head

"One of my strengths as an employee is my ability to multitask."

"...I'm available for interview, at your convenience!"

Think I'll be a more effective alpha male if I learn to play pool? That's on of those things you always see an alpha male do: stand around a pool hall polishing his stick and racking up the balls.

"Just when did you leave your last job?"

'Great draft. It just needs a little exfoliation.'

Online Dating

'I'm sorry, Mr. Pringle, you failed the acid test. We won't be hiring you.'

'You're exactly the kind of person we'd like to hire - to be replaced by a computer.'

Just a regular Sunday afternoon,

'A f-funny thing happened on the way past a classic car dealer...'

"Framing is fine, but my passion is drywall."

'Careful, I went absolutely mad and polished everything.'

"You never even complimented me on my nice polished floor."

"You also get a choice of finishes ? flat, semigloss or satan."

Your call is very important to us. It allows our nails to dry while we keep you on hold.

'OK Headmaster, now polish the other shoe...'

Rudolph the brown-nose reindeer.

"The online part of the interview was yesterday."

Cosmetics Dept: 'Maybe you've been using paint, when you should be using nails...'

Oxy clean.

Mrs. Big Foot

'I'm afraid we don't have anything for you right now, but if we get really depserate for people we'll be in touch.'