Policing Gifts

"The test calls for a pirouette, sir. Arabesques don't really tell us enough."

His master's vice - heroin!

Honk if you've committed a crime.

"Something's fishy. I mean look at this place. How much do drug sniffers earn?"

!Good news...We found your lost luggage...Well, actually the drug dog found it.'

'Now I don't know what it's like in New York, but this is Kansas city, and we follow the laws of physics out here.'

"All right, you're free to go. We're in this for the sport - catch and release only."

'No Sir, it's not a prescription for your 'weird, dizzy turns where everything slows down and you have to go faster to compensate'.'

"I actually don't know who he is .... but he's cheaper than a body camera."

"Don't we have lighting more intimidating than that energy saver?"

"Your father and I have come to believe that incarceration is sometimes the only appropriate punishment."

'I repeat: Charlie, Golf, X-ray, Yankee, Zulu, Romeo, Juilet, Whiskey, Kilo...'

'I'm sorry sir, but this highway is lactose intolerant.'

Arrested outside the grisly scene, Ms. Goody Two-Shoes uttered, "I'll be out in no time. I got no priors."

'Come on - I haven't got all day!'

'I found out what makes him tick, but he still won't tock.'

You don't have to be a Racist to work here, but if you are I don't suppose anyone will notice.

I was a bent copper...

"She's driving"

American cop and a British policeman.

'Now, this gentleman wants to take all your money and you want to keep it - it seems to me that we have the basis for an equitable COMPROMISE.'

"Once you feel better, the cops want to ask a few questions about the accident." (patient has escaped out of the window).

"Wait a second, this cat wasn't stolen. Who authorized the high-speed chase?"

'Sorry, we don't do copper.'

'If you give up the right to remain silent, you get to keep all bragging rights.'

'In future a reg number will suffice, ok.'

'A dynamite sales idea, Lou. I'm just sorry I have to notify the police.'

"Where were you five minutes ago when someone was stealing my getaway car?"

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

The old good-cop, bad-cop routine is born.

Victim Support banner - "My victim hasn't given me any support."

'Reporting another metal theft, Sarge.'

Seat Belt Cop.

"It might be a traffic cone to you sir, but it happens to be my favourite."

"This gold star is for being a good cop and...hey you! Don't turn around! You have been a very bad cop!"