Policing Pillows

"The test calls for a pirouette, sir. Arabesques don't really tell us enough."

His master's vice - heroin!

Honk if you've committed a crime.

"Something's fishy. I mean look at this place. How much do drug sniffers earn?"

!Good news...We found your lost luggage...Well, actually the drug dog found it.'

'No Sir, it's not a prescription for your 'weird, dizzy turns where everything slows down and you have to go faster to compensate'.'

'Now I don't know what it's like in New York, but this is Kansas city, and we follow the laws of physics out here.'

Canine Police Line Up.

'Pwllheli Vice.'

"All right, you're free to go. We're in this for the sport - catch and release only."

"I actually don't know who he is .... but he's cheaper than a body camera."

'Don't tell me you weren't speeding back there. When you drove by me, all I could see was a blur.'

'I repeat: Charlie, Golf, X-ray, Yankee, Zulu, Romeo, Juilet, Whiskey, Kilo...'

Arrested outside the grisly scene, Ms. Goody Two-Shoes uttered, "I'll be out in no time. I got no priors."

"Don't we have lighting more intimidating than that energy saver?"

"Sarge, the computer won't let me retrieve the criminal files."

'I'm sorry sir, but this highway is lactose intolerant.'

"Your father and I have come to believe that incarceration is sometimes the only appropriate punishment."

'Come on - I haven't got all day!'

'Reporting another metal theft, Sarge.'

'A dynamite sales idea, Lou. I'm just sorry I have to notify the police.'

"Where were you five minutes ago when someone was stealing my getaway car?"

Seat Belt Cop.

'I found out what makes him tick, but he still won't tock.'

'Now, this gentleman wants to take all your money and you want to keep it - it seems to me that we have the basis for an equitable COMPROMISE.'

"Once you feel better, the cops want to ask a few questions about the accident." (patient has escaped out of the window).

'In future a reg number will suffice, ok.'

"This gold star is for being a good cop and...hey you! Don't turn around! You have been a very bad cop!"

"Wait a second, this cat wasn't stolen. Who authorized the high-speed chase?"

'Sorry, we don't do copper.'

I was a bent copper...

The old good-cop, bad-cop routine is born.

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

You don't have to be a Racist to work here, but if you are I don't suppose anyone will notice.

"I don't think we're supposed to taser people who park on double yellow lines."