Policemen Gifts

"TV violence made him do it. Says he'll name shows if we drop the charges."

"I don't think we're supposed to taser people who park on double yellow lines."

'....and how big was this bee, Sir?'

Although technically still a flatfish, Detective Holme was highly respected by the townsfolk. Indeed many of them would routinely avow that in matters of personal security, there was no Plaice like Holme.

'Certainly Madame - it's summer time!'

'Lady, it's not against the law for him to watch your undies whirl around in a public dryer!'

'We COULD bust him for every non-forced illegal entry in the district...or is that just too darn easy?'

'I'm not suicidal - this is our office's designated smoking area.'

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

Police Feline Unit

'So let me see if I've got it straight. It was a very large squirrel and your husband is a nut.'

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'

Nelson Mandela in despair over the crime rates in SA.

Steep Hill, Slippery When Wet, Watch for Cars Going Faster Than You.

'No doubt about it Captain. See these markings? This arrow belongs to Robin Hood!'

'Hello? Missing Persons?'

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

'Still not ready to talk? Ok dip him again.'

"Hey Lady this is a sixty zone!"

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

"Talk, Wallace - where'd you hide the loot?"

hard-boiled egg...

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

"This is probably not the time to admit I only joined the force because I figured we'd just be chasing cat burglars."

'The meek shall inherit the Earth!'

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

Timmy had one heck of a security blanket.

"Your hunch was right, Officer Garcia. We'll need a good editor to clean up this manuscript and bring his unfinished novel to a satisfying conclusion."

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

The Elliot Ness monster.

"Just give me your wallet. Trust me, you do not want to deal with my misplaced sense of entitlement."

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

"Don't wait up. I'll be working late again tonight."

"I feel like bad guys aren't as scared of me in the summer."