Policemen T-Shirts

"TV violence made him do it. Says he'll name shows if we drop the charges."

"I don't think we're supposed to taser people who park on double yellow lines."

'....and how big was this bee, Sir?'

Although technically still a flatfish, Detective Holme was highly respected by the townsfolk. Indeed many of them would routinely avow that in matters of personal security, there was no Plaice like Holme.

'Lady, it's not against the law for him to watch your undies whirl around in a public dryer!'

'We COULD bust him for every non-forced illegal entry in the district...or is that just too darn easy?'

'I'm not suicidal - this is our office's designated smoking area.'

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

Police Feline Unit

'So let me see if I've got it straight. It was a very large squirrel and your husband is a nut.'

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

Nelson Mandela in despair over the crime rates in SA.

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'

Steep Hill, Slippery When Wet, Watch for Cars Going Faster Than You.

'No doubt about it Captain. See these markings? This arrow belongs to Robin Hood!'

'Still not ready to talk? Ok dip him again.'

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

'Hello? Missing Persons?'

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

"Talk, Wallace - where'd you hide the loot?"

"Hey Lady this is a sixty zone!"

hard-boiled egg...

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

"Your hunch was right, Officer Garcia. We'll need a good editor to clean up this manuscript and bring his unfinished novel to a satisfying conclusion."

'The meek shall inherit the Earth!'

"This is probably not the time to admit I only joined the force because I figured we'd just be chasing cat burglars."

Timmy had one heck of a security blanket.

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

The Elliot Ness monster.

"Just give me your wallet. Trust me, you do not want to deal with my misplaced sense of entitlement."

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

"Don't wait up. I'll be working late again tonight."

'What's wrong with those Europeans? We have more murders in this city than England, France Germany and Spain combined.'

Trump secret police