Patrolling Gifts

A bored unshaven guard sat on a chair.

'A fag end, and at the fag end of our shift! Let it lie.'

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

Police Feline Unit

'Hello? Missing Persons?'

The Circular Logic of Fascism

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

"I need to know who started it."

'Now that everyone's street is online, we're mapping interiors.'

"I remember his last words were, 'Another bite and I'll burst!'..."

'Come out with your fins up!'

Giant pandas doing surveillance in a zoo.

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

"Of course, if they ever start to suspect all their TVs are watching them back, we may have problems."

Kid arrives with CCTV camera, saying: 'It followed me home, can we keep it?'

"As a rookie, I'm finding one of the hardest things to get used to is older people calling me 'sir.'"

Next camera crew 5 mins

'Time machine materialises in Westminster Lord Lucan arrested'

"Well, it might not work but at least it smells bad."

'Do you know how fast you were going?'

Police film evidence

"I spy with my little eye…"

The lion statues in front of New York City Library are replaced with spies.

'Your parents are way too overprotective.'

Mort Park! You mean Killer. You're sprung, Killer. I'm free to go? Unless you're so tough now you'd rather stay. I mean a guy named Killer probably likes jail. Mail me my blanky.

'Any ideas on motive?' 'Only one, Chief.'

Police Cow!

Just our luck...old school crime translation classes!

'I'm afraid we're going to have to let you go, Richter. The crime rate has dropped.'

'He spoke his first words today Serge - 'ello. . . ello. . . ello'!'

Police outline artist training academy: the intro 101 class.

Lady Justice wears a blindfold, but listens through headphones to a tape recorder on one of her scales.

'I thought forty is the new thirty.'

"He's an ex-police dog, so he's very law abiding."