Playful Judge Gifts

'Court's in recess!'

"After I graduate middle school, high school and college, I'll go to law school to get you out of this. But I want my retainer now."

'First, I'd like to list the mitigating circumstances.'

'He's not called the 'Hanging About Judge' for nothing.'

King and Jester

Antonin Scalia

"Impartiality becomes you."

Judge to attorneys in courtroom wearing boxing gloves: 'Looks like you're both ready for your opening arguments, gentlemen?'

'Judge Mental.'

"In view of the new evidence, my client would like to change his plea to 'guilty-ish', M'Lud."

"Simple yes or no. Are the cartoons funny?"

Judge

'Disqualified!... He did not yell 'Boing' when he jumped!'

"And what's more, you have a complete disrespect for the law."

"We all make mistakes, as Your Honor knows, having been twice reprimanded by the New York State Commission on Juridical Conduct."

"O.K., O.K., house arrest."

Dreary counsel sending the judge and jury to sleep

'The defendant and the witnesses were bad enough, but then the JURY got hostile.'

'We find the defendant guilty, the defense a showboater and the DA a legal mal-practitioner.'

Computer questionning a witness.

"You forgot his tail."

'Overruled. Now answer the question. We could all use a good laugh.'

Hanging Judge

"Our house wine is abominable."

'Oh, boy!'

Two kids caught playing dots & boxes on a Damien Hirst painting, spelling the word 'so-so'.

'Case dismissed! -- I just reached retirement age!'

"It would have been a no-fault divorce if the judge wasn't happily married for 30 years!"

'You are charged with getting involved in the political process....'

'...Plus thirty days for not turning off your damn cell phone!'

The US Supreme Court displays its rulings out front.

EXEC ORDER

'I'm going to lay a guilt trip on you, man.'