Humor-focused Judges Gifts

Judge to attorneys in courtroom wearing boxing gloves: 'Looks like you're both ready for your opening arguments, gentlemen?'

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

'Court's in recess!'

'He's not called the 'Hanging About Judge' for nothing.'

'Your honor, if I may digress for a moment, who does your hair?'

"Impartiality becomes you."

"In view of the new evidence, my client would like to change his plea to 'guilty-ish', M'Lud."

Judge

"Can you identify the person who assaulted you and then stole your title?"

'Is your client qualified to give a urine sample.'

"And what's more, you have a complete disrespect for the law."

'As to bond - while I personally have faith in your client the court cannot ignore the obvious risk of flight.'

"O.K., O.K., house arrest."

"We all make mistakes, as Your Honor knows, having been twice reprimanded by the New York State Commission on Juridical Conduct."

Dreary counsel sending the judge and jury to sleep

'We find the defendant guilty, the defense a showboater and the DA a legal mal-practitioner.'

"Before counsel make their final summations, we're going to take some calls from across the country."

Computer questionning a witness.

"My attorney feels it's unwise for me to continue to represent you."

'Let's be fair about this, Your Honor -- how can the plaintiff be an objective witness if my client shot him?'

'I'm sure the Senate will affirm my action.'

"If she sings it's over."

'Case dismissed! -- I just reached retirement age!'

'Your Honor, I have nothing to hide.'

'Witness for the Prosecution means you'll elaborate on the whackings.'

'You are charged with getting involved in the political process....'

'...Plus thirty days for not turning off your damn cell phone!'

'Orders in the court'

The US Supreme Court displays its rulings out front.

"You're free to go. Please exit through the gift shop."

"Your fine will be a £99.50, after a 50p mail-in rebate."