Humor-focused Judges Pillows

Judge to attorneys in courtroom wearing boxing gloves: 'Looks like you're both ready for your opening arguments, gentlemen?'

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

'Court's in recess!'

'Your honor, if I may digress for a moment, who does your hair?'

'He's not called the 'Hanging About Judge' for nothing.'

"Impartiality becomes you."

"In view of the new evidence, my client would like to change his plea to 'guilty-ish', M'Lud."

Judge

"Can you identify the person who assaulted you and then stole your title?"

'Is your client qualified to give a urine sample.'

Prosecutor's Office. The judge threw out the confession --- He said it was coerced. You violated the duress code!

'As to bond - while I personally have faith in your client the court cannot ignore the obvious risk of flight.'

"And what's more, you have a complete disrespect for the law."

"O.K., O.K., house arrest."

Dreary counsel sending the judge and jury to sleep

"We all make mistakes, as Your Honor knows, having been twice reprimanded by the New York State Commission on Juridical Conduct."

'We find the defendant guilty, the defense a showboater and the DA a legal mal-practitioner.'

"Before counsel make their final summations, we're going to take some calls from across the country."

Computer questionning a witness.

"My attorney feels it's unwise for me to continue to represent you."

'Let's be fair about this, Your Honor -- how can the plaintiff be an objective witness if my client shot him?'

'I'm sure the Senate will affirm my action.'

'I hate it when we operate on malpractice lawyers.'

"If she sings it's over."

'Okay, now read that back to me in your best James Earl Jones voice.'

'Your Honor, I have nothing to hide.'

'Case dismissed! -- I just reached retirement age!'

'Witness for the Prosecution means you'll elaborate on the whackings.'

'Orders in the court'

'...Plus thirty days for not turning off your damn cell phone!'

'You are charged with getting involved in the political process....'

The US Supreme Court displays its rulings out front.

Evaluating the humorousness of cartoons.

"Your fine will be a £99.50, after a 50p mail-in rebate."

From now on, your honor, as a tribute to Johnny Cash, please refer to me as "The Lawyer in Black."