Comedian Judge Pillows

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

Gary turns 40.

'Three weeks of brutal alimony negotiations, Polly, and you settle for a cracker!'

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

'He's not called the 'Hanging About Judge' for nothing.'

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'... and finally, before tip-off, let's all be courteous and turn off our cell phones.'

'Honest, sir. I'm sorry! I take it all back.'

"Impartiality becomes you."

Judge to attorneys in courtroom wearing boxing gloves: 'Looks like you're both ready for your opening arguments, gentlemen?'

"In view of the new evidence, my client would like to change his plea to 'guilty-ish', M'Lud."

Judge

'Make sport of the Queen.'

"Simple yes or no. Are the cartoons funny?"

"And what's more, you have a complete disrespect for the law."

Well, since your sentence is only for five years, you might as well go on home now.

Dreary counsel sending the judge and jury to sleep

"We all make mistakes, as Your Honor knows, having been twice reprimanded by the New York State Commission on Juridical Conduct."

"O.K., O.K., house arrest."

It is illegal to fall asleep under a hairdryer in Florida.

'How bad is it?'

'Timeout! ... Coaching change.'

'He's a little unpredictable, but with the right combination of medication and therapy, he can make an impact on this league.'

"My attorney feels it's unwise for me to continue to represent you."

Computer questionning a witness.

"Umm. . . Hello? I'm over here!"

Recycling centre with a bin for Jim Davidson videos.

"I forgot to call in dead."

'I'm sure the Senate will affirm my action.'

'We're requesting a delay so my client can appear on lots of talk shows.'

'It was Bob's last wish to spread his ashes on the spot where he spent most of his athletic career.'

'You think you've got a bad knee? Let me tell you about a bad knee, my brother.'

'Case dismissed! -- I just reached retirement age!'

'Let's keep a tight rein on this game. Emotions are running hight.'

'...Plus thirty days for not turning off your damn cell phone!'