Platform Worshipper Gifts

Drool Marks

"I feel like that I've been given a unique oppurtunity to speak out on issues."

it my imagination or is it getting warmer?"

Vishnu playing twin neck guitar.

"Communion at the contemporary service is scones and coffee."

'It's a statue of St. Francis of Assisi. I had it specially made for my hospital.'

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

Next Sunday - Rap Mass! 'I thought we reached the limit when we had that jazz mass.'

"Restless spirit, we don't know who or what you are, but thank you for your amazing Wi-Fi, and for keeping the signal strong."

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

"We're testing a new virtual reality praise & worship system for the satellite campus."

Fitness in church.

Pastor wearing sunglasses against the hymns.

TV and man

"Sorry, but the Wi-Fi password is for tithing church members only."

Church Sign Asks If You Are Prepared for Digital Conversion.

Worshiping the TV.

"We had 17 first time viewers on the live stream sermon today." (pastor talking to his wife)

"Finished feeding the 5000. What do you want to do with the left over fish?"

"If God wanted me to go to church he wouldn't have put football on Sundays."

"Let us bow our heads, turn off our cell phones, and pray."

'As a professional discount, I require you to say only two hail Marys.'

Wi-Fi

'When the poor dear retired, he found that he missed his little cubicle.'

"I guess I missed more Sundays than I thought."

I stick with the celebrity instructors. If I heard of them, I sign up with them.